So I like to think that I have it all together...most of the time! I seem to live and die by my calendar and I've become super detail-oriented and I can plan like nobody else! However...I do have those moments when I really miss something big..like tonight...the eve of Valentine's Day...and no, it's not my hubby who would have been missing out but my baby boy...Liam.
I was going to blog about something else...but tonight made me realize the sacrifices parents make to ensure their kiddos don't feel the brunt of their having messed up (the parents...not the kid). Not that all parents concern themselves with such things...but here, let me share my story and then I'll come back to that.
So at 10:31 p.m. as Pat was brushing his teeth and I was in bed looking at my calendar, I exclaimed, "OH, HOLY COW!!!!! Tomorrow is Valentines!!!!" Pat said, "So? We always have an un-Valentines Valentines." I replied, "It's not you!! Tomorrow is Liam's Valentines party...and not only did we not get the plates and juice boxes I signed him up for...I didn't even get him Valentines for his friends!!!!"
The mad-dash began with figuring out who would go to the store. We decided Pat should go. Fifteen minutes after he leaves, I get a call. "Yeah...this is bad. HEB has totally been picked over. So should I get him Handy Manny or Thomas the Train?"
Oh, my gosh! What to do, what to do?! Although Liam liked Thomas once upon a time, I thought he might think it was too baby now...and Handy Manny - I don't think Liam even knows who he is. Hmmmm. Don't they have anything else? Like Cougars or something?" "Nah...it's bad. Oh, wait! They have Sesame Street with Elmo and Big Bird." "SOLD!!! Get those and a bag of lollipops so we can tape them to the cards and not be so lame."
Pat shopped like a champ. He got home and we not only set Liam up for success but we also got cards and chocolates for the older kids...and in the morning...no one would be the wiser. Thank you, Jesus!
I must admit...I dream of being one of those put-together parents that actually make goodie-bags for their kids. I dream of baking beautiful cupcakes with fantastic frosting swirls that would give Martha Stewart a run for her money. But so far - those things are only dreams in my head. But, in those manic moments of going from loser-parents to awesome-parents, it dawned on me. My love for my children is deep indeed...because it isn't just for anyone that I would jump through those hoops for...at 10:30 p.m. after a long day. Then - in may natural sap way, I thought of kiddos who wouldn't be so blessed...and that is where the thoughts about parents that don't go out on a limb for the kids came in.
I am very (VERY) passionate about children. My heart often breaks when I think of the ones that are marginalized and hurting. At work, I was asked if I thought that homelessness would ever end and I replied yes - if, and only IF, our communities are willing to join forces and activate as advocates for the children because that is where the answer lies. I then asked the person to imagine a room full of three year-olds from the wealthiest of families to the poorest of families. Dress them all the same and stick them in a room with some toys and what would you get? Happy pandemonium is what you would get! There would be very little distinction between the children. They would laugh and run around squealing in glee. You would have some criers...but I don't you would be able to tell which family they belonged to based on their cries. But then you separate the children and place them back in their homes...and something happens to the poor ones. How many times are they yelled at? How many times are they told they are worthless? How many times are they raped or molested? How many times are the beaten? And how many times does it take before that beautiful little spirit full of life and potential is crushed? How many? And we expect these children to not only go to school...but to do WELL! Really? Under the same conditions even now as adults - could WE do well? Probably not...
For those of you that have an opportunity to be around children - your own or others - be patient and kind to them. They are children and often don't have the sophistication to process information as we do. They really don't get "it" - whatever "it" may be. I'm ashamed to admit that there was a time I really believed my older two would do things to simply annoy me into distraction...and sometimes anger...but then something happened inside myself (thank God) and I began to realize that they are just being themselves and acting like children...and that it was MY job to learn how to handle their antics as an adult...and that meant not yelling back, not "stooping to their level" but rather patiently (and yes - sometimes sternly) redirecting them so that they could learn what is acceptable...and what isn't. Maybe I'm preaching to the choir and you all are just brilliant peeps...but in case there is one of you out there like me...then take my word for it! There is peace to be had...and better results...when you deal with them out of patience, love and wisdom.
If you see children out and about town, smile at them...let them know you see them...and if ever an opportunity comes where you can help one or more...take it. If you don't - who will?
Until tomorrow.... Annie
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