Christmas 365 - Day 38 (Feb 7)

My Christmas for today was the gift of honesty.  It is Monday and although a very good day, I was preoccupied with a very important meeting I was attending later in the day.    I find it really, really hard to lie and if I manage to – I feel SO convicted that I quickly confess and make amends.  I also don’t do well with not saying something that needs to be said…even if it is difficult…  This meeting was by far the most difficult I have ever been a part of because the person that I would speak with is someone I hold in very high esteem and have a great deal of respect for…but it didn’t change the fact that the air needed to be cleared.

The meeting was held, the information was shared out of love and it was well received…PRAISE GOD!!    I have not always been so lucky.  Sometimes you try to share your heart with someone and they react in the worst possible of ways…with anger, justification, malice and spite…and you are left there…wondering what you could have done differently or how else you could have said things…and then instead of making things better like you intended, the situation ends up heading south in a nasty way.  I guess it was that potential that had me worried all day. 

I feel like I should say something profound about this paradox…wanting to do something good but having it not be well received…but I’m at a loss.  What I can say is that situations like that used to bother me A LOT.  I would see something and with all the love in my heart, would say something...not out of malice or spite but rather out of genuine concern and a real desire to "fix" something...and then the recipient of my wisdom would erupt in fury...and I would think, "What the heck!  I'm just trying to be helpful!"  And yes - I might even react a bit self-righteously as in, "Hey, man...I'm not the one with a problem!"  But in hindsight now, I think I was the one with a problem.

You see, being honest, to me, is like a fine-edged sword.  Just because I see or understand something that needs to be said doesn't mean I should just go out and say it.  In other words, knowing that something is wrong doesn't give me the automatic right to try and correct it...even if I have love as my motive.

What I have learned is that there is something equally important in trying to bring wisdom and/or correction to someone...and that is understanding where the other person is at emotionally.  This is hugely important because if the person is not in a place where they can receive what it is that you are trying to share, then it doesn't matter what your underlying motive is as anger/fury/indignation and hurt may all be natural results of your attempt.

I think when we receive insight as to what a problem area may be, it is for us to reflect upon it and try to undertand it from all angles instead of quickly trying to "fix" it as clearly, that can be way more damaging than not having said anything at all.  It is so incredibly important to pray or meditate and yes - to put ourselves in that place if at all possible - and try to understand what it is the other person may be feeling or thinking...and only when we have carefully thought about it all - from all angles and all possibilities - should we then determine whether or not our "assistance" is even needed.  If we determine that yes, we had best say something, then it will be with the right motive...and the right words...that we will approach that person.

Don't get me wrong.  I know that sometimes there are situations that require immediate correction because there is genuine danger looming.  In those cases - I speak away...and the quicker the better!  But those are not the situations I'm generally referring to really.  I'm talking more about things that bother me (or us)...not life-threatening issues.

Another thing I believe in is the power of holding my tongue as sometimes, the most loving thing I can do is to not say something.  Why?  Because sometimes the natural consequences of something can be the most helpful of all in correcting something.  It may be difficult to sit by and watch but no one said tough love would be easy.  It may take time...it may be awful to watch...but in the end, when the consequences unfold...then I will have the opportunity to be there and help pick up the pieces and even perhaps help to bring healing to the situation.

However, if I decide to forge ahead and say something to someone...and the worst should happen...and it didn't matter how much love was behind my actions...then there is something else I'm careful of...and that is not talking about what has occurred to other people...or if I feel like I just need to say something, then I share with just one trusted confidant.  I really believe this...because if I talk about it to lots of different people, then I'm just adding salt to a wound for the one that wasn't able to handle the truth...and I also poison my listeners' perceptions of the situation or that person with my commentary. I find it so very hard not to want to talk to everyone who will listen because I feel that I need validation for how "right" I was in trying to speak truth...but out of honor, respect, integrity and loving-kindness to the one I hurt, I really need to undertstand that necessity of just keeping quiet.  Does that make sense?

I guess for me, where honesty is concerned, I really try to react with mercy, compassion and understanding...and I try to understant the best possible scenario in which to be honest should that be my chosen course of action.  But I think my greatest realization is learning to listen for the propmting of the Lord...and so far, He has not diappointed!

Until tomorrow...   Annie