Christmas 365 - Day 39 (Feb 8)

My Christmas for today was to love my husband in ways that I normally don't think of doing...thoughtful, selfless ways in which I'm not looking for anything back...not even a thank you.  I just want him to know that I love and value him…as half my soul and partner/companion in the journey of “life.”

I hope I'm not leaving you with the wrong impression. It's not that for every gesture, I expect something back. It's just that when you've been married for a while, you tend to do things, thoughtful little things that at the beginning were premeditated, but through the passing of time, have now become almost rote.  You’re nice…because it just kind of makes life nicer that way, you know?  It’s not that you want to be mean…you just kinda do things to keep the peace.

Well…today I was thoughtful and mindful of things that my husband would enjoy.  For example, we both really, really enjoy the TV series 24…and today, I had the chance to meet a real Jack Bauer…a real-life Jack who’s an ex-CIA operative that has written a book about his escapades.  Jack was a speaker at a luncheon I attended…so I bought his book and had him sign it for Pat.  Then, as it is close to Valentine’s Day, I bought him heart-shaped Reeses Peanut Butter Cups.  As I left work and headed home, I called him and realized that he was rather stressed…so I offered to pick up our youngest from pre-school and then swing by the house to get the two older kiddos so I could take them out to dinner while Pat enjoyed some much needed alone time.  After dinner, when I got home with the kiddos, I proceeded with bedtime routines and got them all to bed and then that was that.

My actions were simple and not complicated in the least…so there really is no excuse for not doing things like that for him more often.  The children and I had a wonderful dinner in which we laughed (A LOT thanks to my witty 12 year old!) and acted silly.  It was no real skin off my teeth to get him his favorite candy or to see something that I know he would thoroughly enjoy and get it for him.  He was so grateful…it was neat to see him relax knowing that I had his back so he could just rest…and that I wasn’t going to gripe or hold my actions over his head so that now he “owed” me something.

I remember once upon a time when I would have expected something in return.  I believed in tit for tat with all my heart…but as I have grown, I have come to realize that that thought pattern truly diminishes the value of the gift or actions you are doing for the other person…because truly – if that is your thought process – you aren’t doing those things for the benefit of the other person…but rather for your own benefit…and where is the honor and love in that?  When I behaved that way, I wasn’t selflessly loving the other person…I was self-fully loving myself…  For a while, thinking like that may seem okay but sooner or later, the other party, or parties as the case may be, will catch on…and when they do – they’re probably not going to like you very much…and probably rightly so.

I’m glad I have learned that lesson.  I still have my selfish streaks here and there…but further and further apart.  I can't imagine my life without my spouse.  Sometimes I really don't like him (and I'm sure that goes both ways).  Sometimes I adore him and think my heart will burst with pride and love (I hope that goes both ways!).  And more often than not, I am thankfully contect that at the end of my day, no matter what kind of day I've had, I will get to come home to him and share what happened...and listen to him as he shares...and we will look at each other and smile...because life is good with each other...even when it's not.

Merry Christmas, Dahling!!  :)

Until tomorrow...   Annie