Christmas 365 - Day 15

This day started in a very special way.  I was invited to a book review at the First Baptist Church downtown by a lady I had never met.  Her husband met my nonprofit’s CEO and she had become inspired by the information her husband had shared with her.  She contacted me as the book being reviewed was What Difference Do It Make by Ron Hall and Denver Moore, a story about the continuing friendship of an uneducated, homeless ex-slave and an uber-wealthy art dealer from Dallas.  If you guys have never read their first book, Same Kind of Different As Me, I highly encourage you to do so.  It will make you laugh, weep and see things differently when it comes to the value of human life and how truly amazing God can be.

Anyhow, this review was for their second book and it is no less spectacular than the first book.  On page 56, Denver said something that really caught my attention.  He said, “Why is it that folks only seem to care for poor folks during Thanksgiving or Christmas?  Do poor folks not need shoes at other times other than Christmas?  Do poor folks not need food and other things other than Thanksgiving?”  He then goes on to make the point that there is a difference between blessing someone…and truly helping them.  He said most folks like to bless others…because it is easy and makes them feel better about themselves.  He said if you’re interested in truly helping someone, then you have to get down into the pit with them until they feel strong enough to stand on your shoulders to climb out of the pit for good.  Hmmm…I think for being an uneducated, ex-slave he sure does have a lot of wisdom.

So the question begs to be asked.  Do we want to bless or do we want to help?  I’m not saying one is more important than the other because the way I see things, we need all kinds of people doing all kinds of things.  But – are we the type that wants to help people?

I can admit to you that I find this idea truly terrifying.  I am busy.  I work full-time, have three young children, a husband and a household to run.  I’m very active at church and now I’m trying to blog every day and live mindfully.  Do I have what it takes to really help someone?  I’ll admit that if you think about it, “helping” someone seems really important but yet you would have to be committed to the welfare of another…and what does that look like?  It seems that the helpers are the agents of true transformation…but how is that done?  How can you have a life and still get in the pit with someone?  And now that I think about it, maybe it isn’t as scary as all that.

Last summer, I got roped into mentoring a 16-year-old girl that was living in a treatment center that I didn’t even know existed in San Antonio.  I say I was “roped” into it because I wasn’t looking to get deeply involved with anyone when I met her.  Here, I’ll explain…

My husband and I had been approached about possibly becoming mentors for teens in our city.  After much prayer and discussion, we decided that we simply didn’t have the time necessary to do this.  Life goes on.  I give a presentation at a Rotary Club about my life and the work I do for/with the homeless and there is a lady in the audience that afterwards tells me that she works with girls that have similar backgrounds to mine and would I be willing to come share my testimony as a way of offering hope.  Okay I say – no problem.  On the day of the presentation, I arrive at the center and have to pass through security and I discover that half the kids are in JDS (Juvenile Detention Services) and the other half are wards of the State as CPS children…except these are teens…scary looking teens.  I go into the gym where 50 girls are assembled and I start giving my talk.  A fight breaks out and those two girls are escorted out.  I continue and after I finish, the girls begin to ask me questions.  Some of them were way off base, rude and asked in an attempt to ruffle my feathers…but it didn’t work.  I was at peace.  Then there was this red-headed girl that was asking really intuitive questions about anger and not wanting to pass on her junk to her future children…she caught my attention.  When it was all over, I talked to the lady that had invited me and I shared with her how impressed I was by the red-headed girl and so I found out the lady was her therapist and would I be interested in mentoring this girl because she was 16 and getting ready to age out of the system.  You see, she said, she’s really smart and with the right guidance, she can make it to college and have a good life…but she has endured some really severe abuse…and she will need to know that someone who has been there, done that and survived and excelled is behind her…because you have credibility she said.  SO – how could I say “no” to that?

I went home terrified of talking to Pat about it because we had just made a joint decision NOT to mentor anyone…and now I had committed myself – and our family – to this new relationship.  Holy Cow – God help me!!  I got home and told Pat and as expected, he was not happy…but at the end, he was supportive.  I met with this girl once a week for months.  On certain weekends, I was able to bring her to my home and we took her on outings with the kids.  She was able to see a normal, healthy family and she was able to share some pretty awful things with me and I just listened and loved on her.  Sometimes she made unwise decisions and I would talk her through those.  The amazing thing is that she tried really, really hard to overcome her fear and her issues that stemmed from really awful things that would make you weep if you knew.

She went back to her foster family and I still keep in touch with her via Facebook and email.  She recently asked me for some advice about what high school track she should be on and I helped her see what the best option would be if she wants to go to college.  She is a special kid and I pray with everything I have that she and her siblings will find a way to overcome the incredible hurt and dysfunction heaped on them by their parents.

Did I get in the pit with her?  I think so…I am committed to staying by her side until she is on her own.  It took about 2 hours a week and now we have some disjointed email time.  She is 17 now…who wants to chat with an “old broad” anyway…that’s what she called me!  But it’s okay…I’ll be an old broad for her!  Was it worth it?  Absolutely.

I guess if we all choose to live mindful lives, we will encounter situations and we will have to decide whether or not we should bless…or whether or not we should help…but I will tell you this having done both…  No matter which path you choose, you will be blessed back.  It is true…

Until tomorrow…

Annie