Christmas 365 - Day 21

I have reached a stage that I didn't think I would ever get to - the stage where you live for Fridays.  Don't get me wrong!  I like every day...but Fridays are special now.  They signify the beginning of rest and family time...and as the children grow and grow, time with them becomes more and more precious.  It is such a strange time in my life and I am beginning to think I understand what drives a mid-life crisis.  I think a mid-life crisis stems from understanding that you have probably lived half your life and that you may have more yesterdays than tomorrows...and despite this fact, you still feel young and capable...like these are the best years yet.  All these thoughts can lead to wanting to do something wild and crazy to hold on to that bygone youth...and that is where some slip and stumble into sports cars or something worse.

I think I understand all that...but I don't want to do anything crazy.  I just want to make time stand still for a little bit.  I want my children to keep thinking of me as a super genius just a little bit longer.  I want to see my baby's Buddha-belly last just a few more years so I can rub it and tickle him on it as he laughs with uninhibited glee.  I like my oldest still coming to me for love and affirmation and I like my middle child's sweet innocence as she walks in my high heels.  I don't want my babies to get their first broken heart quite yet...  I don't want my babies wanting to (or needing to) fly the coop quite yet.  I know I'm a few years out from that...but I see the writing on the wall...and it makes me sad.  I know that once those days are here, my children will no longer be mine - not that they ever really were - but even the illusion will be gone.  And then I can only hope that I raised them right.  I can only pray that they will want to come home for the holidays.  I can only pray that they will bring my grandbabies over so I can see them.  I can only pray that they will understand how very deeply, how all-encompassing my love for them has been...and always will be...and that from that understanding they will have love back for me...enough to remain close to me and my heart.  I can only pray...

Those thoughts swirled in my brain as I waited for the proverbial 5 o'clock to roll around so that I could get to those children.  I didn't want anything to mess up that time with them...and I'm happy to report that we had a splendid time.  The children had no idea what was going on and it was fun to plan a surprise for them.  As it was about 7 o'clock when we headed out to eat, we thought it best not to go to a traditional sit-down restaurant and headed to Chick-Fil-A instead.  The children thought it was strange that we drove about 30 minutes to get to one when there is one about five minutes away from our home...but of course they would think it was strange because they didn't know the rest of the plan!

The rest of the plan was Laser Legend - a laser tag place with an arcade inside - that is on the opposite side of San Antonio.  Oh - did we have fun!  We had to wait until our first game started and while we waited we played video games.  Lilly and I made fools of ourselves playing Dance Dance Revolution but oh how it felt GOOD to belly laugh like that.  We didn't care who saw us...she - because she is still too young to care and me - well - I didn't know anyone but even if I did, they would know me well enough to know I don't care much for what they think of me.  So on and on we tried to dance while the boys played Star Wars games and shoot-em-up games.  As our time arrived, we proceeded to play and it was Mom versus kids (and husband!)...and who would have guessed that a five year old that had never played before would snipe us all to a win?!  After playing two rounds of tag we played air hockey and some other games and finally we got some Cokes and headed home well past 10 p.m. - a very late night for our kiddos indeed. 

What a blessed and wonderful time!  How I loved seeing the sheer joy and laughter in my children's eyes.  The laughter and banter and even the trash talk was all music to my ears and brought a smile to my lips.  As Pat drove us home, I looked over at him and smiled as we listened to the children recount tales of the heroics in the back seat.  Our eyes met for a moment...and I knew that he knew what was in my heart...because it was in his heart, too.  And that is why I don't need a sports car or a different man or anything else to make my life exciting.  I just need for time to stand still for a bit...because the stuff of heaven on earth is now tucked into bed upstairs...and I just want to hold on to them for a little bit longer.

Merry Christmas, my babies!  I know time won't stand still for me...and even if I really had the power to make it happen, I know it would be wrong for me to do it...and so all I can do is try to see you, appreciate you, love you and enjoy you every single day to the best that I can.  I and so I will...

Until tomorrow...

Annie