Today has been really interesting. I had a plan two days ago that I was supposed to execute yesterday...but it didn't work out. So I thought I would get it done today...but it didn't work out either because as I was in my car this morning, listening to music, I heard a song that brought so much to mind...and it completely changed the direction of my day.
The song I heard was Shania Twain's "From This Moment." It came out around 1998 and I remember hearing it for the first time. I was in another car driving down a highway and my life was in turmoil. I was feeling completely lost and alone. My Mom and Dad had died about 4 years earlier, I was in a loveless marriage and I had no hope for my future as I had dropped out of college when my Mom was diagnosed with cancer. The real kicker, though, was that I had just learned that I was pregnant. I had always wanted a child - had yearned for one in fact...but not like this, and not now...and yet - here it was. As I was driving down the road, half ecstatic and half delirious with fear, the song began playing...and as I heard the words, I began to weep. It was the song in my heart for my unborn baby. I knew that no matter what, this child and I would be together always and that there wouldn't be anything I wouldn't do for it...from this moment on.
This morning, as I remembered all of that, I wept again...but not in sadness. I wept out of complete gratitude. Gratitude that I had survived that time in my life. Gratitude that that child has grown up to be a pretty steller young man - highly intelligent with an honorable, teachable heart. He loves me...and I adore him...and there still isn't anything I wouldn't do for him if it means his well-being. He turned 12 this past fall and we sometimes don't see eye to eye. I want him to be my little boy. He wants to be dealt with as an adult. It's the age-old battle but one I'm certain we will overcome.
Tonight, I sat that boy down in a private spot and I played the song for him. I told him to pay attention to the words. As I held him in my arms with the song playing in the background, I wept again. Yes - I'm a sap!! After the song was finished, I shared a little bit about the history of that song. I told him that I have been devoted to him since he was the size of a rice grain without arms, legs ot even a head. He smirked at that in his typical tween way and we shared a laugh. I got serious on him and made him look me in the eye as I told him how very much I love him...and even if we fight, or disagree, or don't like each other very much...my love for him will never, never go away. "Got it?" "Sure, Mom." "Okay then, Merry Christmas." "Oh, wow - whatever!" And he went up to brush his teeth.
Isn't that what Christmas is about? Showing those you love that you love them? Although the boy is only 12, I know that in the deep recesses of his heart, he really did get it...he knows we have shared history, that I'm on his team, and that I will never stop loving him...from that moment long ago when I found out about him to the moment I pass to Heaven and beyond. Love is forever when it is based on the love of God.
Thank you, Lord...that as deeply as I love all my children, my husband, my family, Your love for each of us surpasses that to an unimaginable level. Thank you for not giving up on us...from the moment You conceived us to the moment we come home to You. Thank you for Jesus and everything He has done for us so that we can know Your love. Thank you, Lord...and Merry Christmas!
Until tomorrow... Annie
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