I began my day thinking I would do something Christmas-y for my boss and give him a congratulatory card for being selected to be president of an organization we are members of. I was so pleased with myself because it was a small gesture that would fill my “quota” for the day and how many professionals actually do random stuff like that? I did wonder how I would have a blog entry out of that…but then I thought I’d be okay as a short entry is okay, too. Then my day began in earnest.
I have the privilege of attending many events for my job as my biggest responsibility is to build relationships and partnerships within the community that can support our work with the homeless. I get to attend breakfast meetings, lunch meetings, seminars, coffees and special events…so when this luncheon came my way, I knew I would probably have chicken for lunch and that I would possibly enjoy a chocolate dessert...which I was wrong on both counts! This small group is composed of Christian professional women that meet every two months to network and share information on how to help each other and part of the luncheon is a keynote speaker. I was not (not) expecting to have my socks knocked off but that is exactly what the speaker did.
This lady looks like the rest of us – nothing super compelling or extraordinary. I cannot share what she does (as I think anonymity would be preferred) but she is a high-level player in our city that has a very important job. I thought she would speak about her job duties. I thought she would speak about obstacles she encounters in her profession. What I didn’t think she would do is bare her soul to a room full of strangers in a complete act of transparency that was so powerful and moving the atmosphere of the room actually changed to one of deep reverence. I think the presence of the Lord descended or something…it was just that powerful.
I think the atmosphere actually changed because she humbled herself before us…and before the Lord…and how many people have the guts to do that? This lady has everything the world would consider markers of success. She is wealthy. She is physically attractive and incredibly educated. She has an amazing and influential job. She has power within the community. She didn’t owe the audience anything and she could have gotten away by speaking on some “common” topic like her job or whatever…but she chose instead to edify and to testify as to what the Lord has done for her. She shared how she grew up with a mother that suffered from mental health issues and often beat her, how her Daddy that loved her so passed when she was young, how she married someone that, unknown to her, also had mental health issues. She shared how she and her children dealt with abuse from her husband and how she chose to leave. This all happened as she was at the top of her profession earning serious money and living in an exclusive neighborhood in San Antonio! Then she had the guts to admit that instead of waiting upon the Lord and trusting that He would sustain her, she ended up in another marriage that likewise didn’t work out. She then shared how she almost died and after a long hospital stay and an even longer recovery period, she finally put herself completely in the Lord’s palm…and it wasn’t until she was fully surrendered that He allowed her to fulfill her calling…because only when she was fully surrendered to Him would she be able to carry out mercy and justice in a humble and Godly way. WOW!
Who would stand there in front of strangers and confess all those things? Who would stand there and say that it wasn’t God’s fault or her second husband’s fault that her marriage with him failed because she was guilty of sinning in not having waited upon the Lord? Who would share that despite the abuse she endured with her first husband, she tried the best to help him because she knew he was genuinely sick? She confessed painful family history, she confessed her sin in some of the issues, she confessed how stubborn she was in many different areas and that God couldn’t use her because she wasn’t ready. And then she knocked our socks off…
Here is a lady that owed us nothing. Here is a lady that, according to the world’s standards and by virtue of the public nature of her job, should have kept these things under wraps. Instead she humbly explained that all those hardships were necessary so that she would have the heart and the understanding to fulfill her job, which is her calling. She asked if we knew of the Old Testament tradition of people building alters when they had come into agreement or wanted to mark the place of an important occurrence. We said we did. So she shared that her mother is such an alter in her life…as are her first and second husbands…even the illness that almost took her life…that these are all momentous events in her life that prepared her for what God purposed for her. She shared how very painful many of those alters were…but through the grace and mercy of God, she had been freed of the pain. She gave thanks to God for her alters…because she finally understood the significance and impact of each and every one of them.
No anger. No resentment. No bitterness…only joy and peace radiated from her…the peace and joy that come from living out your purpose and understanding your place in God’s plans. WOW.
How many of us hold on to old hurts and bitterness? How many of us hold on to coulda’s, shoulda’s, woulda’s that bog us down from peace and joy in the present moment. How many of us hold on to old resentments because “it’s the principle of the matter, for Pete’s sake!!!” How many – every day – make the choice to be unhappy or never satisfied…because we are too busy living in the past or scheming on how we’re going to get “justice” or wondering why we are always short-changed or any other negative, energy-draining attitude? How many?
And why do we do those things? Do we get anything out of it? Are we improved, edified or energized? No – we do those things for reasons that really don’t make sense. What if we made the choice that tomorrow, we were going to let go of that heavy, oppressive baggage and give thanks instead for what we do have. Do you have eyes that see? Give thanks! Do you have skin that feels? Give thanks! Do you have legs that work or arms that can move? Give thanks! Are you still breathing and have a chance at life? Give thanks! Do you have food, shelter, clothing, friends, an opportunity to live in freedom in this nation? YES – give thanks!
People will hurt people – there is no doubt of that. Psalm 118:9 says it is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in men. Everyone makes mistakes and many carry regrets…we do – and the people we interact with do. But what is important is what we do once we realize that we have made mistakes or that we do have regrets…and with that realization, we have the opportunity to try and make things better. Do we have the courage to take that step…because it does take courage. You could be rejected. You could be ignored. You could be… But so what? Are you any worse than when you started? No – in fact, you now understand that the other party has issues too…and you don’t have to fix those…just cover them in prayer, grace and mercy…because that is what God does for US every day…and then you walk away and let go of the heavy baggae of bitterness/resentment and you try hard to be mindful, peaceful and joy-filled and to be a person of integrity…because God is good – all the time…and if we trust that, then we really are okay…no matter what.
This lady was such an incredible example of grace, mercy and how we go through hardships so we can fulfill our Godly purpose with wisdom and compassion. I think she is one of my new heroes…
Until tomorrow...Annie
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