Below are the questions/thoughts I received and my response.
As you read this, please know that I write about "ideal behavior" and that really, we are all on the road in trying to attain this. Some days we may do great; other days, not so much. My goal in sharing my thoughts is that each one of you reading this will pray and determine the Lord's truth, if any, in my words. Here it goes:
FRIEND'S QUESTION: So I have read one of your blog postings about anger...and so I open up to you in hopes of some wisdom.
I deal with several family law cases and probate matters and so many of my clients are tired, mean, hateful, and impatient. It is VERY hard to love these people, especially when they mistreat me (they like to "put me in my place" because I am "so young and have no idea what I am doing", or they are impatient and scold me for not getting something done in 5 minutes when it reasonably takes hours if not days to complete).
I have gone home from work several days this and last week with them on my mind, second guessing my integrity and competence, all because of what they have said or done. I catch myself pondering over my integrity/competence and then get very angry that I have "taken my work home with me" and even more angry at them for being so rude and impatient. I almost hate them.
How can I move on past their harsh, irrational comments and trust that I am doing good for them, and for myself? Because, honestly, these clients make it really hard to want to go to work in the morning, and I don't want to live like that.
MY RESPONSE: I know you ask for wisdom and I don't know if I have that but I can share my thoughts and that I will do...
I think the trick is perspective and not taking things personally...hard to do but essential...and remember, YOU don't have to do it...just try and allow Jesus to flow through you.
These people are rude, impatient, condescending, demanding and nasty - got it. But what else are they?
1. THEY ARE LOST. They do not know Jesus and His heart even if they say they are believers. Remember - professing belief does not mean they understand what they believe in. I believe the sky is blue but I don't really understand why it is blue...I think it has something to do with our atmosphere and chemical reactions maybe but I couldn't tell you all the specifics... Same with them. They believe in God and Jesus...but what does that mean? Do they know they need to be in relationship with Him? Do they know that the whole purpose of our life on earth is to give up ourselves and take on more and more of the persona of Jesus? Probably not or they wouldn't be going through divorces and/or fighting for rights over their children and/or property.
Now those thoughts relate to people that believe. How about the truly lost? Well - you really can't expect much from them. They seem to operate under the premise that only "number one" matters. They will be rude and impatient and harsh because they don't see a problem with that. If you anger them or inconvenience them then yes- they will let you know about it. And think about angry people just in general. Oftentimes when I am angry, I can't think straight or rationally. I want to lash out and I feel like everyone around me needs to "pay" - whatever THAT may mean. I'm impatient, incredulous, frustrated and completely self-righteous in my thoughts and behaviors. Case in point - that deal with my coworker. I wasn't rational in the least and in the heat of the moment, felt completely justified!
If I had such a strong reaction over something that in the grand scheme of things is really rather petty, you are now talking about people that are bitter over broken marriages or unfair treatment by their "loved ones" or whatever really. They aren't thinking rationally. They aren't thinking about how their ugliness is affecting you...and even if they do realize, they aren't in a place where they can so easily reign themselves in. I think that is probably true of all angry people regardless of what set them off. The Bible has lots to say about anger:
Psalm 37:8Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.
Proverbs 14:17A quick-tempered man does foolish things...
Proverbs 15:18A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.
Proverbs 19:11
A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.
Proverbs 29:22
An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins.
AND MY FAVORITE: Romans 12:19-21Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"says the Lord. On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
2. SO - WHY TAKE THEIR COMMENTS AND OPINIONS PERSONALLY? When they call you incompetent or treat you as such...are you really? Are you doing your best? Are you doing things in a reasonable and timely manner? Are you working to the best of your ability? If the answer is "yes" to all of those, then their opinion is just that, their opinion. You should try to see them in a different light. They are hurt, angry, lost, impatient and they take their junk out on you. I know in the heat of it, it is hard to listen to and take that kind of behavior but it should be easier if you view them through the lens of compassion. You do not have to internalize their junk...you can speak kindly and gently to them even as they yell because YOU are not the root of their issues and if you know that, that you are not the root, and you know who you are in Christ Jesus...then there should be no reason for you to "take work home." Do the best while at work and when you walk out, it's a done deal. You are the righteousness of Christ made to be a light in the darkness. I think you are actually in a very good place...it sounds like these people really need someone like you, someone that is calm and patient and compassionate in light of their drama. Please know: I'm not saying you can't defend yourself. Just that there is a right and proper way to confront your "enemies" that does not involve you being angry.
3. BEWARE OF ALLOWING YOURSELF TO FEEL HATE. It is an evil scheme designed to keep you from being a light in the darkness. Why do you "hate" these people? Because they are mean, rude, and clueless and slam you repeatedly over things they have no idea about? So? As I said above - there is no need to internalize their junk. So what happens when you allow yourself to feel hate? Are you loving, patient, kind? Are you reflecting the light of Jesus? No - you're not. The Bible says that Jesus came as the firstborn of many brethren. That means that He should serve as the ultimate example for our behavior. So when He was spit upon, ridiculed, ignored, tortured even...did He hate? No - He looked upon the masses with love and compassion, "forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do." The Bible says He lived a sinless life so there was no reason why anyone should treat Him badly but we know that's not the way of things.
Why did He endure so much? Because He didn't come to judge and condemn but to save and show the heart of the Father. Can we seriously do any differently? I guess we can...but not if we're on the path to realizing who we are in Christ Jesus. Now please understand...we live in a fallen world and we have very fleshy, selfish natures to overcome so obviously we cannot get it right every single time. No - I believe our "job" is to understand that our purpose here is to die to self so that we can fully reflect Jesus. Remember, less and less of us and more and more of Him. Paul tells us to run a good race...to me- a race isn't easy- it takes commitment, training, and knowing the conditions you might encounter so you can formulate a plan as to how you will deal with these obstacles while not losing sight of the end. Hate is a destructive deception meant to distract you from your real purpose. The more you hate - the further away you get from God.
I know this is really long but let me know if it makes sense. Love you...and Merry Christmas!!
And that was all of it... I can't tell you how excited I am that there are others out their trying to walk this most difficult of walks!! I share my heart with you tonight...it's the only Christmas gift I have...
Until tomorrow... Annie
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