And so I am back on parents today…but in a good, Christmas 365 kind of way. I don’t think I’m going to have much to say but I could be wrong…so let me explain what happened…
Pat finally read Friday’s post about the children and how incredibly much I love and value them… He got a little emotional and said, “Just like you feel about the kids, I bet my Mom feels that way about me…and that’s why she always wants me to call her on the weekends.” So we talked about this…and the fact that no matter how old you get, your parents love you and still think of those times that you were little and sweet and innocent…when you were the height of deliciousness. They think about what they did right…and what they did wrong…and more often than not, they wonder if they could have done better. And meanwhile, the grown children are so caught up with their own brood that they hardly have time to sit and consider things from their parents’ perspective. They (We) are so busy, so tired, so overwhelmed, so (fill in the blank) that only our pressing needs and those of our children enter our minds. Now please know I’m generalizing here as this is not true for everyone…but I think for a great many of us, it is.
And so as Pat and I stopped and considered things from his parents’ side, I came to a realization about myself. This is complicated…and kind of ugly I think…but it bears sharing if it will help someone else understand.
You see, I don’t think I'm very close to my mother-in-law. Don’t misunderstand me – I love her and I admire many qualities that she has like her funny sense of humor…she is a survivor, responsible, thoughtful, intelligent and very, very generous…but we are not tied at the hip.
So as Pat was talking about how his Mom must still see him as we see our five year old; how she must remember holding him as a small child knowing that the day would come that he would be gone from her with his own family and how when that happened, it must have hurt, I began to see her differently…because although I haven’t experienced that pain yet…I know my day will come as well…and I can imagine the sense of loss. I began to understand that I really am not important in the dynamic between mother and son…and that it is right and proper that Pat should call her and love on her and keep the bond strong. I don’t stand in the way and I’m not saying he should be a Momma’s Boy…it’s just that I don’t even encourage the bond…and regardless of whether she and I will ever be tied at the hip, she needs to be close to Pat…because he will forevermore be her baby…and out of love and respect for my husband, I need to respect that…and help him keep that bond strong.
I feel like I’m typing something that doesn’t make sense…so I pray the message I’m trying to convey gets across!
Anyhow, my Christmas for today is that I’m going to write a letter to my Mom-in-Law and I’m going to ask her to forgive me for being an apathetic daughter-in-law. I want to commit myself to making sure she and Pat remain close and that I love and admire her… I will tell her that she is so very special to my husband…and that from my end, his love for her is abundant and keen…and that if nothing else, we share the bond of loving the same man…not in the same way, but the same man nonetheless. What more do we need in order to be close? We are united in that love…and I am so grateful for the job she did in raising such an amazing man…and I want her to know that I will honor, respect, love and take care of her baby…until death do I part.
Maybe she’ll get what I’m trying to do… Maybe she’ll think I’m a big fruitcake! I’m not sure…but regardless, I want her to know…and more than that, I want her to experience the renewed connection with her son…her baby…the one she had big dreams for, the one she took care of when sick…the one that made her laugh and broke her heart possibly on the same day.
As I sit here and close my eyes and picture my babies…I know…and I feel closer to her than I ever have…
Merry Christmas, Mom…and Merry Christmas to me, too…
Until tomorrow…
Annie
Aww. U made me teary eyed.
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